Partnerships

My husband and I have a very successful partnership. I mean that in every sense of the word, because not only are we happily married, but we are also co-owners and operators of a small Bed & Breakfast with four guest rooms.

We have very definite roles in this relationship. He is the creative genius and I am the worker bee. He is the big picture guy and I am the detail gal. Needless to say, there is a certain amount of delegation involved, mostly from Mr. Idea to Ms. Detail. But he usually delegates to me in a very respectful way, and makes sure to periodically mention how much he appreciates my work.

The day to day details of our business do, for the most part, fall into either HIS job or MY job. The tricky part comes with the gray areas – things that we both know how to do that need doing quickly while the other person is away. But we have worked hard to see that there can be more than one “right” way to do each task, and the other’s way should be accepted and respected.

Stu has years of experience in real estate and property management. For that reason, I tend NOT to get involved in communications with companies that he has contacted in order to get something done, such as repairs or improvements. Stu has this tendency to make a bunch of phone calls, leave a bunch of messages, and then go somewhere else because he can’t sit still when there is work to be done. If he tells me what questions to ask the company, unless they are simple and written down, I will usually miss something he considers obvious. Therefore, I usually just indicate that he’s not available and take a call back message.

The above situation has caused occasional frustration for us both, since he hates playing “telephone tag” (don’t we all?). On the other hand, I dislike having a person call and catch me off guard, me asking them the question(s) I was told to ask, and then having them ask me some follow up question about which I don’t have a clue. This is more like the children’s game of “telephone” with the tin cans and the string. I don’t make a particularly conductive “string” when it comes to property management issues.

The good news is that we have learned each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and each other’s wishes, by trial and error. Rather than trying to change me into more of a big picture/dreamer type, he accepts that I need clear instructions to follow and will do so well. He also knows that I will use my own judgment when necessary, which may or may not (usually not) be the same decision he would have made, and he can respect that.

The point here is that both he and I have made accommodations and adjustments of various sorts in order to do our well-choreographed “dance” together that makes this business run smoothly. Along the way, we have always tried to respect each other and treat each other with kindness, even during periods of stress or disagreement.

We also know that we each have our “deal breakers” in working together. One that we share is “Do What You Say You Will”. There are way too many people in this world who cannot be counted on to follow through on their word. He and I try to always honor our commitments to each other and to other people.

For example, I applied for a job a few months ago as a front desk person at another hospitality related establishment in this area. The woman with whom I interviewed was very pleasant and I felt we established a good rapport. I was very excited about the opportunity to go to work for them, and she seemed interested in me as well. I asked when the decision would be made and whether she would call either way, or should I call at a certain point to learn their decision. She insisted that she would call every interviewee either way, and that I should expect a call possibly the following night, but certainly within the next two days. It has now been nearly two months - and no call. For that reason, I do not feel compelled to recommend or even speak highly of their establishment to potential guests who, for whatever reason, cannot stay with us. That’s their loss, in my mind. There is another hotel just over a mile away from us that gets lots of our referral business, and we have received a fair amount from them as well. It’s a good partnership.

Another situation that didn’t work for me involved another creative person who wanted to tap into my more organized side. Had this person taken just a little more care to respect my basic needs, we would still be partners. If you tell me you will be somewhere at a certain time and for whatever reason are not there, all I require later is a sincere “I’m Sorry”. I do have certain “baggage” from my past related to men who never called when they said they would, or who actually stood me up on a planned date. Most people don’t mean to leave you hanging and have no idea that it actually causes some of us (ME) extreme anxiety and nightmares about the past.

But let’s face it. A successful partnership is rare. All of us have our areas of blindness to others’ needs and “deal breakers”. We have all lost at least one friend or business contact due to something similar. It’s not always easy to read someone’s mind and know what his or her basic needs are. The best policy when working with a partner, a customer, or a spouse, is to watch, listen and learn. Those are the keys to a good partnership.