These started in college, which is now called "Missouri University of Science & Technology." It was then called University of Missouri at Rolla, or simply UMR.
At the time, we often jokingly referred to it as BUMR.
Once I got into my first professional job at Southwestern Bell Telephone Company (now known as... oh forget it) I started to learn the ropes of being a disciplined COBOL programmer.
That progressed into many other jobs throughout my career, all of which required discipline, but I digress.
An important aspect often shared among coworkers was what to do if I should die suddenly. This was very important, and more so with each successive job in which I grew competent.
The most interesting thing was probably the method of death that started the sentence.
Downtown St. Louis, 1980s:
- If I should get hit by a Bi-State Bus...
Early 1990s in huge firm in North St. Louis County:
- If I should slip and fall on the ice walking from the parking lot...
- If I should be in a wreck trying to merge onto the Inner Belt...
Other 1990s jobs in Westport area St. Louis County:
- If I should be in a wreck trying to merge onto 270 southbound...
- If I should get killed due to road rage trying to get out of this office park...
- If I should get hit by a Coca-Cola truck...
- If I should have a heart attack due to job stress... (I did quit that one, by the way)
Other jobs throughout St. Louis area in the 90's and 2000's:
- If I should get hit by a beer truck... (its initials are A-B, duh)
- If I should get outsourced tomorrow... (not so funny in retrospect)
- If my job goes away suddenly... (really not funny in retrospect)
Since 2008 or so, the interesting ways to die have suddenly became dramatically less comical and more terrifying. However, I firmly believe that the funniest crap comes from truth.
Before leaving St. Louis area:
- If we should find ourselves homeless in Florida, at least we won't freeze to death.
In Florida, mostly between my husband and I:
- If I should get shot by a drug lord...
- If I should get eaten by a gator while swimming at Lake Verona...
- If I should get hit in the head by a rock thrown by neighbor immigrant child on bicycle (no habla Engles)...
- If I should get carried away by a turkey vulture...
- If the big hurricane hits and we aren't prepared...
- If the termites cause the roof to collapse...
- If I'm not careful while out walking and get hit by an Amtrak... (note, this pre-supposes total deafness in Highlands County where the train whistles are L-O-U-D and L-O-N-G)
- If I should get hit by an orange truck on Hwy 27...
- If an old person driving a car has a heart attack and causes a fatality including me.... (any location but ESPECIALLY during snowbird season)
- If I die of job stress.... (shout out to what used to be CCAS)
- If we die before we sell this business...
- If we die before we sell this house...
Back in St. Louis:
- If GPS lady loses her mind and I get hopelessly lost...
- If one of the big kids in a hurry to his/her job rear-ends me fatally...
- If I should get shot or abducted by (this has its own whole sub-category):
- an angry sales clerk...
- an angry customer...
- an angry neighbor (not too worried about this one yet)...
- an angry driver who I inadvertently make angrier...
- a cyber-stalker...
- an angry former coworker, former chorus member, former ex-boyfriend, etc.....
Yeah. You know what? This isn't so funny anymore. Maybe I need a deep breath and a few laughs.
More like: maybe I need to do my scheduled work before my deadline! Talk about lack of discipline. Wow.
At least I'm not likely to die suddenly while doing audio transcription from home. It may be boring and tedious sometimes - and usually lonely - but it pays a few bills and that's kind of important at this moment.
Later, y'all.
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